Stop Saying These Things To Military Spouses

Kids are resilient.

Thank you captain, I've had a front row view of their resiliency since they were born because kids are indeed really freaking resilient. HOWEVER. Just because something bounces when you throw it on the ground, doesn't mean the impact of hitting the ground, the dent left by it, is irrelevant. Yes, it bounced back......but in order to do that all of the momentum it had in its trajectory, all of that movement abruptly stopped in a moment and without choice is redirected in the opposite direction. You understand that we are still talking about children here, right? Small emotionally immature children with very little life experience? Okay, just making sure you are still tracking. Their pain, their experience.....is still really damn relevant and no matter their age, it matters. So unless you want to deal with me demanding respect for what is a very difficult experience for them, I suggest you give small people and their emotions the credit and empathy they deserve.

I don't know how you do it.

Uhhh well there's something we can find common ground on because neither do I, sis. Here's the thing though, I don't have a choice because giving up on or leaving the man I love isn't exactly an option. So you figure it out, you stick it out and you learn how damn strong you can be when you have no other choice. It's all that you can do. We don't know what to say to you when you say this.

Are you scared something will happen to him?

Wait, what? Should I be? Is he in danger in that foreign country that kind of hates Americans? Gosh, I hadn't thought of that. Thanks for bringing it up (SIDE EYE) This literally does not even need to be a question.

You signed up for this, this is military life.

K. Did you bring your gloves or are we fighting without them? What kind of person tries to diminish or somehow justify the very real, very challenging heartbreak and pain another human is going through by saying "you knew this could happen." Yes, perhaps I knew i'd eventually need a leg or an arm or a heart amputated, Maybe even that I would accidentally walk in front of a moving car one day but none of those hypothetical scenarios prepared me to say goodbye hopefully for only 6 months to my very best friend, my children’s hero and the light of all of our lives.

If you have never lived this exact life then sit down, shut up and listen to exactly how you can help. The best thing you can say is "Gosh, friend. This sounds really hard, what can I do?"